Let’s start with a simple definition of a cycle. A cycle is a single complete execution of a periodically repeated phenomenon: A year constitutes a cycle of the seasons. There are many types of cycles. I am going to be discussing cycles having to do with human behavior and interaction. In both seasonal and human cycles there is life and death that is one of the most fundamental cycles that we take for granted.
Cycles of communication in relationships are often most difficult to complete. When there is conflict and little to no effort by one or both parties to resolve issues they hang in the air uncompleted. This has a cumulative effect and it ripples out to every area of our lives. For years, I would go along with others just to avoid hurting feelings, or upsetting people. I didn’t realize I was compromising my own values. It even got to the point that I had to question what really mattered to me; what did I stand for? It seemed that pleasing others and not rocking the boat, so to speak, became more important than being true to me, whatever that meant.
Each time we have an incomplete interaction with another it adds to the conversation that runs repeatedly in our mind. I should have said or done this, or I didn’t mean to say or do that; I wonder what they meant by that; why did a situation have this outcome when I meant it to be this way? When these questions and many others linger in the mind with the hundreds of people that are in our lives and the pattern continuously repeats itself, it can cause us to doubt and worry. When we don’t have clean and clear communication that leaves each person feeling complete, dis-ease begins to creep in whenever we are with them and we walk on eggshells, side stepping and avoiding certain topics and issues. How often have you just simply stopped being in relationship with someone because you no longer felt comfortable? I’m not talking about the acquaintances that come and go, I’m talking about the relationships we have invested time and energy that includes family. Think what a toll this all takes on our psyche.
I’m not saying don’t use discernment and discretion but when a mind is confused and clouded with doubt because of an accumulation of incomplete cycles of communication, it leaves us almost incapable of making sound decisions. Incomplete cycles of communication inhibit our ability to be in open, honest, and authentic relationships. It also prevents us from being able so solve problems effectively.
These patterns of communication begin long before we are aware of their effects. Some people avoid being in close relationships altogether because in one way or another they were shut down based on what they were told or saw around them. Sadly, for the most part, we were not taught how to relate to one another. We can learn, however, to feel complete and fulfilled in all our relationships. It takes commitment and willingness to understand our own motivations and to be honest in those endeavors.
This is the first of a two part series.
If you are experiencing areas of your relationships that are incomplete and need guidance please feel free to contact me for a 15-minute consultation at (818) 975-0587.