I Mean It This Time!

This is my year to break out and be and do all I that I am meant to be.

How many of you have said that to yourself and to others year after year after year just to see it not happen?

Fear is the most profound silencer of our hopes and dreams and self-expression and I can tell you from experience that it has silenced me for many years.  No longer do I say that this year is My year.  It is not because I’ve given up or succumbed to the fear, quite the contrary.  It is because I’ve come to accept (a very big word and a big deal) that my process and progress on my own journey cannot be rushed, forced or measured by others, the “They.”

It takes a great deal of courage to stay one’s own course of growth and evolvment and not bow to the pressures of others thoughts about your process and how it appears to “them”, whether it is looked upon as failure, procrastination, wimpy, non-action, and all other judgments, opinions and evaluations.

This past year has had me take a deep look into the nature of fear and where it comes from.  I’ve looked down its throat with the brightest light I could muster.  I discovered that I had a fear of simply being out of the womb and that it was a scary place to be in this human world.  If I chose it, what am I here to learn?  Everything about it seemed to scare me to death.  The evidence around me that I didn’t have any grounds for this fear was a mixed bag as I watched and observed throughout my lifetime.  Wars, persecution if one’s ideology didn’t align with another’s, judgment based on skin color, non-cooperation in the political arena, etc. all contributed to the fear.  That is the external environment.  The message to me was it is not safe to express myself publicly, for to do so would mean rejection, judgment, and at worst, being ostracized.

In my personal circles, the evidence was quite different. I found that what I had/have to say was/is relevant, who I am is relevant, and that every time I express myself openly and truthfully the feedback is undeniably validating that my existence matters. Fundamentally, isn’t that what we all want?  Most importantly, apart from the external validation, which only can carry us so far, is the discovery and inner knowing that I am relevant to the larger consciousness system and anything I might learn and do accordingly is a contribution.  I have learned that fear and courage are two sides of the same coin and co-exist simultaneously and to transcend this duality and not ping-pong between them is to intentionally step fully and acceptingly into my destiny without knowing what that may look like in any given moment.

As I have entered a new cycle in my life this past year or so, I have been lovingly forced to explore what is my place in this world and how am I to contribute what I have learned in a meaningful way.  The pressure within me has built to a crescendo that cannot be ignored, that to do so would be the death of my soul (ME).  The stakes are high.  It has made me realize that I must authentically share my own process so that others might have the courage to express theirs in such a way that releases them from whatever fear grips and holds them back.  I am not sure what it all looks like yet, so stay tuned.  I look forward to seeing you on the path.

I dedicate this with deep profound love and appreciation to Jim, James, Linda, Perry, Kevin, Paul, Joanne, Renee, and many others that have been with me to witness and share the journey from becoming to Being.

With an open heart,

Carol